#4 Mentors: Use Osmosis To Find Love Faster

#4 Mentors: Use Osmosis To Find Love Faster

Reading time: 5 mins

Today we’re talking about using mentors, and how you can use osmosis to help you find love 10 times faster, and cut years off your learning curve.

This is another foundational step you must understand and adopt.

In adult life, we’re all confronted with an array of options every day: Who you’re going to marry. Who you’re going to date. What diet you’re going to follow. Who you’re going to aspire to be like. What political view you’re going to follow. What religion you’re going to follow.

We’re faced with these options all day every day. At best, you’re going to find a handful of people who point the way for you. Understand: the answers you’re seeking are not going to be obvious, the answers you’re seeking are going to come from knowledge that you have to go out and find.

Over the years, I was lucky enough to meet various people who became my mentors. I’ve had a handful of mentors. 90% of my success is definitely as a result of having mentors.

And I still go to my mentors all the time. Why? Well, at some point in my life I developed this internal guideline. I call it the law of 33%. I want to share that with you today. But before I do that, I want to remind you of a quote from Pablo Picasso, possibly the greatest and most well known artist of our time. He said, “Good artists copy, and great artists steal.”

We’ve talked about humility previously. We talked about saying “I don’t know, can you help me?”. Well, this is the same line of thought. “Good artists copy and great artists steal.” What he meant by ‘steal’ was to stand on the shoulders of giants.

The human mind is built to learn in many ways. Through visuals, through audio, or by doing. But there’s one method that we’re not really taught. The method I want to talk about is learning through osmosis. And I believe this is the best and most powerful form of learning.

Osmosis is the simple process of watching other people. If you can see someone has achieved what you want to achieve,  you should watch how they do it and learn from them. Ask what they’re doing and why. Look at what’s working for them, and then make it work for you.

The reason why that quote from Pablo Picasso is so important is because to get what you want, you must be a continual learning machine.

As humans, we are born with innate capacity to learn. Pablo Picasso and a few others laid it out…“Good artists copy, great artists steal”. Sir Isaac Newton said, “Stand on the shoulders of giants”. John F Kennedy said, “A rising tide raises all ships.”

If you can hitch your life to the right horse, if you can jump on the right boat, if you can stand on the right shoulders, you automatically vault and rocket forward in terms of where you stand in your health, wealth, love and happiness.

As I said, this is foundational for you to know. You must start to find mentors who can teach you through osmosis.

Over and over, you learn countless lessons, that you could only learn in person from a mentor.

So what do I mean by mentor? A mentor is someone who has already achieved the goal you want. So let’s say your goal is to meet someone new and develop a romantic relationship with that person. If that’s the goal you’re trying to achieve, then I recommend you find someone who is already in a successful relationship. And then, as you spend time with them them, their mannerisms and subtle characteristics will start to rub off on you. They begin to mould you.

So as you start to find these mentors who are already far along that path that you’re specifically trying to go down, these mentors will start to pull you without you even knowing. This is part of the law of 33% that I was talking about. So let’s get into that.

What is the law of 33%? Let’s get practical: You can’t spend all of your time with mentors, it’s not realistic or practical.

So the law of 33% means you divide your day into thirds. First spend 33% of your time with people “below” you. These are people who can learn something from you. This will help you build self esteem and confidence in what you have already achieved, and these are people you can help. You can be their mentor.

Then you should be spending another third of your time with people on your level. These could be your closest friends or colleagues. These are people who are similar to you. These are people who are coping with the same trials and tribulations as you.

These two categories, people below you and people on your level, are who people spend most of their time with. These are the people most of us feel comfortable with.

But the most important group is the last in the law of 33%. This last set of people. You must spend 33% of your time, or as closely as you can, with people who are “above” you. People who have achieved what you want to achieve.

Understand, this is not exactly black and white. It’s a framework we must understand. You must have the heart and the character to know that it’s going to be tough to track these people down. Most people shy away from people that make them feel uncomfortable.

Mentors make you uncomfortable. Other people envy and make fun of people above them. They’re what you call “haters”. Don’t be a hater. You must be someone who sees things with a clear head and with no delusions. You should feel uncomfortable around your mentors because they might make you feel bad. That restlessness and discomfort is okay. You don’t have to shy away from that. You need to push yourself and continue to step up and up and up, and when you feel uncomfortable, you should be excited. Because when you have the pain, it means you’re growing.

Humans are stubborn. Don’t forget that. But with a good mentor, you’re going to feel a bit uncomfortable sometimes. Don’t fall into the myth that a mentor is lovey dovey and gets you cookies and tells you a few stories and that’s it. That’s not a mentor.

My experience with mentors is that they’re generally busy people. The good ones are actually doing something with their lives. They’re not professional teachers, which means they might a little rough around the edges. They might not be efficient at teaching you. They my not know how to convey a message. That’s why you need to learn through osmosis. It’s your job as the student to get out of them what you need to learn. If you want professional teachers, go to college or university. But if you want learn from self made people, you have to understand that learning from a mentor is going to take real work.

This law of 33% sounds easy and simple, but it’s not. The best mentors are the people who are doing stuff. You should want it to be hard because the hard work is what makes the reward great. If you want a great relationship, you gotta be able to toughen up a little bit.

Another pitfall is looking for mentors who are perfect. There’s no right or wrong mentor. Mentors are just people. Human beings.

Everybody I meet seems to agree with the concept of having a mentor. But like they say, the devil is in the detail. So at this point, I just want to remind you of the full extent of impact that a mentor can have.

Let’s take a step back and go through a list of people who had mentors…

Einstein had a mentor. Jay Z had a mentor. Bill Gates had a mentor. Jack Dorsey, one of the guys who started Twitter had a mentor. Jeff Bezos, the founder of Amazon.com had a mentor. Ray A Kroc, learned from the McDonalds brothers. Michael Jordan learned by watching David Thompson and his many coaches.

Let’s go away from just business people: Martin Luther King had a mentor. The Dalai Lama had a mentor. Alexander The Great had a mentor, he was mentored by Aristotle, the greatest philosopher of all time. Aristotle had a mentor, he was mentored by Plato. And Plato was mentored by Socrates. 

I can go through a list that never ends. I’ve done the research and it’s mind-blowing. This is the pattern that works. You must become a learning machine.

So let’s get into some practical steps…

The first and most important practical step is to try. You must try. Nothing is impossible unless you try. Make a list of mentors and then just try and find one. Try and try again. 

You can’t be picky, and you must be persistent. I recommend you start with an 18 month goal. You might not have an in-person mentor next week, but 18 months from now is a good amount of time to find one. 

If there was someone you were attracted to, you wouldn’t just run up to them and say, “Marry me”. That’s a good way to be alone for the rest of your life. Nobody wants that level of intrusion into their privacy. But if you meet somebody and think they’re the right person, realistically, 18 months from now you might be in a long term relationship or married.

It’s the same with a mentor. Take this slow. Set an 18 month goal and slowly execute. It’s a great timeframe for the human mind. It’s not too short sighted and yet it’s not too impossible to hold out for. The key is to form a slow relationship.

This stuff isn’t rocket science. It’s not always easy, but it is simple. The importance of having a mentor is paramount.

Identify the right mentors. Create a list. Contact them. Send some emails. Show up at their events. Be creative. And then be persistent. Go straight to the top. Think big. Dream big. Go to Oprah Winfrey if you can.

With osmosis learning there’s no right or wrong. Remember, beggars can’t be choosers. 

This thing we’re talking about today is an overarching framework. It’s not just for today, it’s not just for tomorrow, but for the next 30 years. 

I want you to find some in person mentors. If you can’t find any, email me kamey@sincebeingisngle.com and I can help. 

Go slowly. Take your time. Keep your eyes hungry. Nothing is impossible when you try. But don’t be desperate. Clingy is not attractive.

If you stick with things long enough, you generally always get what you want. Overall, you will learn the most from osmosis. And if you get on the right boat, and that tide is going up, these mentors will bring you up with them.

If the Dalai Lama needs a mentor, so do you. And so do I. I have several mentors. I want you to have at least one.

Q: Who are the 3 mentors you are going to seek out in the next 18 months, and what is your plan to learn from them?

See you on the next one,

Kamey

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SBSKamey
Kamran Khanalvi
kamey@sincebeingsingle.com

Founder of SBS. What's the biggest thing I can help you with?

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