12 Mar How To Attract The Right Man
Reading time: 6 mins
How to attract the right man is something I only really share with the clients I mentor privately.
How to attract the right man is one thing you must get right. I can’t emphasise it enough.
The goal of this article is to get you to understand 1) why you attract the wrong man and 2) how to attract the right man.
One of the biggest comments I get from girls is, “Kam, I don’t have a problem attracting guys, it’s keeping them that’s the problem.”
And that’s the first problem right there!
Let’s be honest, most girls don’t have a problem attracting guys. The real question is, are you attracting the right guys. If you’re reading this, the answer is probably no.
The point is, if you’re not attracting the right men in the first place, keeping them is totally irrelevant.
You attract the wrong men because you either don’t know what you want, you give the wrong signals, your social circle is shit, or most importantly you don’t really know what you want.
Girls, why do you attract the wrong type of guy? ??????
— Sabeen from SBS (@SBSDating) November 14, 2016
Here’s 3 ways you can Attract the Right Man:
1 Focus on your own needs
Before you start your search for a boyfriend or a husband, you must first understand what you’re searching for. Sounds obvious right? This is where it goes wrong for a lot of girls I speak to.
Understand: What you want in a man and what you need in a man are two very different things.
Exercise: I want you to make a list of what you want in a man. Then I want you to make a list of what you need in a man. Forget what your friends, family and society says. Take your time, focus down and think deeply on this. These lists can be as short or as long as you like.
The ‘want’ list is not so important. These should be the things you’re willing to compromise on. The ‘need’ list is what’s really important. These are things you can’t live without in a partner.
Now, let’s focus on your needs list. I want you to cut it down to only one or two things. This is going to be hard so take your time. These are the ultimate non-negotiables of what you need from a guy.
For me, the one absolute thing I needed in a girl was support. A girl who would support my goals and dreams. That’s it. I could not live without this in a girl. Believe it to not, finding a partner who is genuinely supportive of your dreams is almost impossible to find.
So, now you know what you really need from a guy, you can save a lot of time and easily filter out the guys that don’t have what you need, and spend more time filtering in the guys that do have what you need.
Now that you know what you want and need in a guy, the next step is to…
2 Choose a man who is your complementary opposite
You are always attracted to your sexual reciprocal.
That means, if a man is very masculine by nature, then he will be naturally attracted to a very feminine woman, who will complement his energy. The more neutral or balanced he is, the more balanced he will prefer his woman. And, if a man is more feminine by nature, his energy will be complemented by the strong direction and purposiveness of a more masculine woman.
Most Asian girls I meet today have more of a masculine sexual essence. So naturally they will attract a man with a more feminine essence.
Most Asian guys I meet today have a more feminine sexual essence. So naturally they will attract a more masculine female.
Get it? Let’s talk about this in more detail…
You have probably seen couples like this. The man is more radiant and lively than the woman. The woman is more committed to her direction in life than the man. The relationship is more important to the man, whereas the woman likes to be left alone much of the time. These are signs of a relationship where the man has a more feminine essence and the woman’s essence is more masculine.
Now, take a look at the scale below. On the left you have masculine energy (M) and on the right you have feminine energy (F):
Based on the characteristics on the scale, as a woman where do you sit on the scale? Is it more towards M or F?
If you sit more towards the M side, you will naturally attract more feminine men. If you sit more towards the F side, you will naturally attract more masculine men.
Girls complain to me, “Kam, Asian guys need to man up” or “they need to up their game” or “I want a man who knows where he’s going in life” or “I want a man who can make decisions”.
Understand: Most Asian girls today are more committed to their direction in life than Asian guys.
There’s nothing wrong with that. You just need to understand that if you do sit more towards the M side, you will naturally attract a more feminine man.
However, if you are naturally feminine at your core yet sit more towards the M side, there are a few reasons for this:
1 You work in a very masculine environment
2 Your family has a lot of very masculine men
Over time being in a masculine energy environment will have rubbed off on you. This is why you attract feminine men. Understanding this is key to you attracting the right man. Your next step is to get back to your core feminine essence.
Here’s how you can do just that…
3 Offer your heart and radiance
This is often hard to do especially if you spend 8 hours a day in a very masculine work environment. It takes practise.
If, at your core, you are a feminine woman, but currently sit more towards the masculine side, I want you to, over time, offer your heart to the world. Slowly but surely you will move back to your core energy.
Here’s what that means: I want you to imagine a rubber band ball. It’s all closed up. It’s all knotted up. It’s all very rigid. To get to the core of the rubber band ball takes forever.
That is what what most Asian girls look like when they’re out talking to guys. All closed up, arms folded, knotted up and very rigid. Girls, I’m not picking on you, I want to help you. Listen up: It’s almost impossible for a guy to get to the core of your personality, and most guys won’t even try.
Strong masculine sexual essence is attracted to strong feminine essence. A woman’s feminine shine, the energy that moves her body, her utterly refreshing spontaneity and mystery. The more feminine a woman is at her core, the less she is likely to show strong masculine traits and the more likely she is to express her feelings on the surface.
A woman who offers her heart to the world can have any guy she wants. Feminine energy is radiant, alive, enlivening, relaxing and moving. If you are free and radiant in your feminine energy, you will attract a masculine man.
I want you to loosen up, lighten up, and start offering your heart to the world.
Remember, a woman who offers her heart and her radiance can pretty much have any guy she wants.
This is quite a deep article, so if you didn’t quite get it, read it again until you really master these principles.
See you on the next one.
p.s. I mentor many girls who struggle to meet, attract and keep the right man. If you’re interested in one-to-one personal mentoring apply here.