26 Dec From Lonely to Love – Kamey’s Story
From Lonely to Love, this is my story…
I remember the exact moment it hit me. Tears ran down my face. I was lonely and unhappy.
When I meet people today they say things like, “You’re so lucky you do what you love” or “you’re so lucky you’re in good shape” or “you’re so lucky you’ve found a great girl” or even “you’re just a confident guy” or “you’re just good with girls”.
But those who really know me, know it’s got nothing to do with luck.
I was 23 years old and working in London. You could say I was living the dream. I had a great job and career ahead of me in the creative industry, a brand-spanking new car, a brand-spanking new luxury apartment, I was in a long term relationship with a girl who would do anything for me, I had friends who looked out for me and was in pretty good shape too. Any parent would be proud. I had everything a young, naive 23 year old could want.
Or so I thought I did.
In fact, I had nothing. The reality was, I was really lonely and so unhappy.
Some of you might be thinking, “Kam, stop feeling sorry for yourself, there’s people dying in world.” I get it. But I wasn’t feeling sorry for myself. I was unhappy. In fact, I had been unhappy for years.
I meet guys and girls today that think having a nice car, a nice house, a nice girlfriend or boyfriend will make them happy. I’ve been there.
Trust me when I say this, it really doesn’t.
It was a massive realisation for me. I remember it like it was yesterday. It was a Saturday afternoon. I was sat in my apartment staring blank at my computer screen. Then it hit me, “What the fuck am I even doing with my life?” I had achieved so much and got pretty much everything I ever wanted, yet I wasn’t happy. Tears started running down my face.
I had hit a wall. And after so many years, that was the moment I decided I had to change something, anything. It was a realisation, an epiphany, a breakthrough: I was 23 years old and had chosen a path in life that I thought was the “right” path. But it wasn’t. Now looking back, it was just a stepping stone to my real destiny.
I did what anyone would do in such a situation. I sat up straight, wiped the tears away, opened YouTube and started watching funny cat videos. Yes, cat videos! Anything to get away from the pain and suffering I was feeling. The video was funny but it didn’t make me laugh. That was the moment I knew I was in trouble.
I noticed in the related videos section a video by Donald Trump. I remember thinking, “I’m watching cat videos, why is there a Donald Trump video in my related search!?” I’m not sure how or why, but I did know one thing, I was curious. So I clicked it. It was a 1-hour documentary on how Donald Trump built up his empire, lost it all, got into 8 billion dollars of debt and then re-built his empire from less than nothing, to what he has today.
It was inspiring and entertaining. In the documentary he mentioned a book called The Power of Positive Thinking by Vincent Norman Peale and how it had changed his life. I went straight on to Amazon and ordered it. I really had nothing to lose.
Although I don’t agree with some of Trumps’s political views today, that documentary and the book he mentioned was the first step to turning my life around. That’s all it took.
I really can’t explain the feeling. It was like God had shown me a new path. It was scary because this new path meant making some big changes and there was no certainty any of it would work. I had to make some big decisions.
I spoke to a good friend and I’ll never forget what she said: “Kam, you can forget everything and run, or you face everything and rise.”
I made a decision and chose the latter. I had to step up my game. But it was far from an easy decision. In fact, it took me weeks to pluck up the courage to do anything. From a comfortable life to a life of massive uncertainty. It took real guts. I knew it was a bold move. Everyone thought I was crazy.
Over the next few weeks, I made some big changes in my life. Firstly, I decided to leave my girlfriend. As much as I loved her at the time, she just didn’t get it. She didn’t understand why I was making these life changing decisions and wasn’t supportive of them at all. The bottom line is, I couldn’t be with a girl who wasn’t willing to support my decisions, goals and dreams.
I then, one by one, started to cut people out from my life. You could call them ‘fake friends’. I was moving forward and they were the type of people I didn’t see myself moving forward with. I had to surround myself with good people.
The next thing I did was quit my very well paid job. Looking back now, I was just a cog in another man’s machine. As much as I loved what I did, it wasn’t my true purpose. I didn’t want to be a cog in another man’s machine. I wanted to create my own machine. I also sold my car and my motorbike.
Looking back now, I’m glad I did. I realised I was too busy trying to make everyone else happy, and I wasn’t happy myself.
That year I decided focus on myself and set new personal development goals:
My goal in health was to get strong, physically and mentally. My goal in wealth was to focus on building my own business. My goal in love was to surround myself with good people: friends, family, and romance. My goal in happiness was to wake up every day excited about life.
I set these goals and started on my new journey. I absolutely committed to these fully. This was my personal journey and nothing was going to get in my way. I found the Power of Positive Thinking book so powerful, the first thing I did was to search for my own mentors. People that could teach me and show me the good life. I started looking for mentors in all four areas of life: health, wealth, love and happiness.
Most people today have too much pride and ego and not enough humility to say “I don’t know, I need help”, to search for mentors and to learn from their mistakes and experience. I was humble enough to say I didn’t know and I wanted to learn.
I searched high and low and met some incredible people on my journey who are still my mentors and friends today. I’m always looking for mentors. In fact, 90% of my success today is because of my mentors!
I then ordered a ton of books and started going to lots of seminars and workshops. People were saying, “Kam, why are you learning about science, you’re in a totally different industry?” I tried to get them to understand, but they didn’t get it. I cut them out of my life the same day.
Learning broad is what makes you an interesting person. Just because you’re a doctor or an accountant doesn’t mean you shouldn’t learn about History and Art. Interesting people attract other interesting people and I wanted to attract the best mentors.
I was a single guy on my path and purpose. The first few years were a grind, but I loved every minute of it. I also started meeting lots of new girls too. I put myself out there and put massive amounts of effort into dating. When I say lots, I mean lots. I was going out almost every day for 3 years straight. I was going on dates 7 days a week and there were even times when I had two or three dates on one day.
I remember one Sunday I had three dates: morning, afternoon, evening. What a fun day that that was!
I was living the life I wanted. I was dating 10 to 20 girls at any one time. I felt like a rockstar. I was ‘that’ guy. The guy that girls wanted. The guy that girls were ditching their boyfriends for. The guy that girls wanted to be around. The guy that was interesting. The guy that had his shit together. The guy that was doing what he loved. The guy that had found his purpose in life.
Don’t get me wrong, most guys I mentor today just want to find one girl and get into a relationship. And that’s okay. Everyone’s path is different.
People always ask me, how did I get so good with girls. I always answer: I didn’t get good with girls, I got good at acquiring the knowledge in order to get good with girls. The success with girls were a by product of the knowledge, mentors and bold choices I had a made. Ultimately, if you want a great girl, be a guy that has his shit together. If you’re a boring-bland-dull guy with nothing to offer the world, you’re not going to attract anything great.
I was loving life. I was healthy, physically fit and mentally focused. I was on the path to building my own businesses. I woke up each day excited with a bounce in my step. I was in control on my life and destiny.
I know what you’re thinking… but what about love? Well, I was meeting a lot of girls. Thousands in fact. But I still didn’t meet that one girl I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.
But unlike most Asian guys I meet today, I was in a position of power. I could pick and choose. I used a simple filtering method. The method was simple, I focused on my needs. The question I asked myself was: what do I really need in a girl?
This was another realisation for me. Like most guys, I was chasing the ass, the tits, and the legs. But by that point, and I know it sounds really bad, but all girls looked the same to me. Don’t get me wrong, I wanted a girl who I was attracted to physically, but I needed something much deeper.
I work long hours. 18 hour days, 7 days a week. I’ve always loved the hustle and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I would be the first to admit that I’m not the easiest of guys to handle and I’ve always said, “Good luck to the girl that ends up with me”. Not because I would be a bad boyfriend, husband or father, but because of the path I have chosen.
Once I figured out what I needed, I started searching and filtering for a girl I actually wanted to be the mother of my children. I started dropping off girls that didn’t align with my needs. I got comments like, “Why did you let her go, she was smoking hot?” But it was an easy decision really. I knew what I needed in a girl.
I was happy with myself and so I didn’t need a girl to make me happy. I needed a girl that could support me in my goals and dreams. Most girls I met didn’t understand that at all.
I’ve learnt a lot of lessons over the years and I hope my story shows these.
It took real courage to do what I did. To make the decisions and choices I made. I went outside of my comfort zone. It was scary. I hope you can be bold enough to be the best version of yourself.
Life is about choices. You only have one life, so make the right choices.
Who knows, one day I hope you can be my mentor.