22 Jul Dating Again After a Long Term Relationship – Daniel’s Story
Reading time: 3 mins
One of our good friends shared his story with us, about what it was like to start dating again after a long term relationship. Here’s Daniel’s story.
Entering back into the dating world after 2 years of being in a long term relationship was a bit of a shock. My last relationship ended in August 2015 after 2 years of being in a committed, long term relationship. When I dropped out of the singles market, Tinder was only a year old but it was growing in popularity. Now that I’m back in the dating market, it’s given me some time to reflect on what it’s like to re-enter the dating world.
Not only did I realise that dating culture has changed overall, but I realised that my own attitudes toward dating changed as well. I’ll admit, both changes were hard to come to terms with.
One of the first things I noticed was that the way I wanted to approach dating was different from how I used to approach dating.
When I first started online dating, there was a certain emphasis on filling out your profile to completion, using dating sites that used complicated algorithms to help you choose matches, and taking anywhere between two weeks to one month from initial messaging to meeting in person. There was a real focus on getting to know someone and gauging your chemistry before you met.
These days, it’s not uncommon for perfect strangers to message and meet within two days. There were always people who wanted to meet as quickly as possible in the heyday of online dating, but those people were generally the exception. There were always people looking for casual hook-ups, but they were fairly upfront about it, because you could list that information on your profile. With the rise of dating apps and their emphasis on quick sign up, minimal profiles, and no space to declare what you’re actually looking (or your height, or whether or not you smoke or drink, etc.), online dating has become more fast paced, less focused on building connections, and frankly, a little harder to navigate.
What helped me adjust to getting back into the dating world is seeing that even if the way people are currently dating is one way, I don’t have to date that way. Sure, my friends are a little less impressed with my dating stories at 31 years old than they were when I was 25 years old, but dating slowly and really getting to know people and not just trying to go on as many dates as possible has made me much happier in my dating life. There was a time before my last relationship where I’d go on so many dates in a month I wouldn’t be able to tell you which of those dates were with which person if you asked. Now, I’m much more content to go on, maybe one first date a month, and actually spend time and energy trying to get to know that person.
Entering back into the dating world after a long-term relationship will look different to everyone, but the key to doing so in a way that will make you happy is to date the way you want to date, regardless of what everyone else is doing. You don’t have to use an app just because everyone else is using it. We’ve all heard of the Netflix and Chill date, but just because they’re popular doesn’t mean you have to do them. Attitudes around dating are becoming more and more progressive, and sexual exploration with strangers is becoming more and more the norm, but if you’d rather wait until you’re committed, or married, just make sure that you’re making the choice you want to make.
Dating grows and evolves in small ways all the time, but you won’t really notice the change if you’ve not been single and have to rejoin the dating pool.
It can be scary to look at the dating world you thought you knew and find it unrecognisable. Just remember that you don’t have to date the way the rest of the world is dating. Date the way you want to.
Good Luck Out There.
Thanks Daniel, really interesting to see how things changed for you and seeing how you’ve moulded the way you date to fit what you want!