12 Jan Dating After Divorce – Hardeep’s Story
Reading time: 2 mins
One of our male members shared his story with us, about when he got back into dating after divorce. Here’s Hardeep’s story…
I’ve been separated for around 4 years now. I was happily married for over 10 years, and I was quite hurt by the events that occurred. So for the first year or so afterwards, I didn’t even want to think about another relationship.
I decided I would concentrate on my kids and give them the best life possible, they became my priority.
Some divorces can be amicable whilst others can be financially and emotionally soul destroying.
It took me about a year after our divorce to get back round to dating. It was purely a case of feeling like something was missing from my life. I wanted someone to talk to and share my life with. I realised that my kids would one day fly the nest and then I would be left alone.
I have tried various dating sites. I do find it’s sometimes more difficult being a single father in the dating arena.
My personal experience has been that many women prefer men to have little or no contact with children from previous relationships. Which is not the case for my relationship with my kids. Having said that, I have met some wonderful women who have been very understanding of my situation.
Another thing that seems to be holding me back is time. Between looking after my oldest child and work I don’t get too much time for myself to go on many dates. But I guess that’s where the understanding each other’s situation comes in.
I think if I were to date someone who has children themselves, they would be much more understanding to my situation.
I don’t have a specific type of woman to be fair. But I do I believe there needs to be a connection between the two of us.
I also believe now, more than ever, that we need to be able to compromise with each other. Physical attraction is not a high priority for me, as I feel it’s more important to have someone who doesn’t see my kids as “baggage”. I would like them to be friends with my kids, but I don’t want them to feel like they need to become their second mother.
I’m open to having more children if I meet a woman who would want to have her own kids too. Although I may be reluctant to have more if she already has children, because I have 2! It’s all dependent on how we get along and I’m more than willing to compromise. It’s just something we would need to talk about honestly and decide together.
I have had two long distance relationships over the last 2 years. For some people this may not work but I had no problem with it and would happily do it again.
For anyone else who is in a similar situation to mine, I think it’s important to be clear about what you want and to take your time. Because when your kids are involved, you can’t risk getting into a relationship which could have a negative impact on your relationship with your kids.
I think it’s also important to be truthful to yourself and to the person you date. If you feel that after a few dates they are not the right person, it’s important let them know so that you can both move forward.
Thanks for sharing Hardeep, it sounds like you have the right attitude and open mind towards this. I’m sure the right woman will come along!
What do you guys think, have you experienced something similar?
Let us know!