15 Apr Being In An Abusive Relationship – Kamey’s Story (Warning: Contains Graphic Images)
Being In An Abusive Relationship – Kamey’s Story | Reading time: 3 mins
***Warning: Contains graphic images***
It’s not often you hear from a man who has been a victim of domestic violence. But it does happen.
I want to share my story because recently an ex-partner of mine posted claims online that she was a victim of domestic violence whilst in a relationship with me. The online post did not directly say this however did suggest it.
The claims made by her are false and are an abuse of power. The truth is, this ex-partner was arrested by police for physical violence against myself. After posting the claims online, she then sent me a message apologising for the turmoil she has recently caused.
Whilst in a relationship with this ex-partner, I was physically assaulted 3-4 times. At the time, I brushed it off because I was in “love.” But the reality is, any kind of domestic violence against men or women in a relationship is wrong, and shouldn’t be tolerated. I know that now.
Most relationships seem perfect for a while. A few months or a few years, and gives you as much pleasure as it does pain. It’s common for couples, like I was, to become addicted to those cycles of pain and pleasure. The drama makes you feel alive. These destructive cycles occur with increasing frequency and intensity, and it won’t be long before the relationship finally collapses.
When you first start a relationship, you are “in love” with your partner. This is at first a deeply satisfying state. You feel intensely alive. Your existence has suddenly become meaningful because someone needs you, wants you, and makes you feel special, and you do the same for him or her.
However there is a neediness and clinging quality to that intensity. You become addicted to the other person. He or she acts on you like a drug. You are on a high when the drug is available, but even the thought that he or she might no longer be there for you can lead to jealously, possessiveness, attempts at manipulation though emotional blackmail, blaming, and accusing.
The thought of leaving this person can give rise to the most intense hostility or the most profound grief and despair. In an instant, loving tenderness can turn into savage attack and dreadful grief.
Where is the love now? Can love change to hate in an instant? Was it love in the first place, or just an addictive grasping and clinging?
My advice is that if in your relationship you experience both “love” and the opposite of love – attack, emotional violence, and so on, then it is likely you are confusing ego attachment and addictive clinging with love. You cannot love your partner one moment and attack him or her the next. True love has no opposite.
Whenever a relationship is not working, whenever it brings out the “madness” in you and in your partner, be glad. It is an opportunity to move on.
I don’t hate this ex-partner for the physical violence against me, or for posting false claims online about me. I have empathy for her and wish her all the best. Holding grudges against people is a waste of time. Let some things go.
I’ve learnt a lot of lessons over the years and I hope my story shows these.
It took real courage to move on. To make the decisions and choices I made. I went outside of my comfort zone. It was scary. But I am now happy and in an amazing relationship.
Life is about choices. So try to make the right ones.
P.S Domestic violence is a criminal offence. If you or someone you know is in danger, report it to the police immediately.
P.P.S Are you unsure who you should spend the rest of your life with? If so, there’s a good chance this will be something you’re interested in…
I want to personally invite you to a very special “Who Should I Be With?” Class I am holding in London on Tuesday 17th April. I’ll talk about how to choose a good love match and help you answer the big question: “Who should I spend my life with?”